Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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