i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
