I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Michael Bay diarrhea
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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