The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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