When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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