you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
