Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
