hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
