I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
