I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you had me at cake vodka
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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