I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
