My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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