Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
