Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
