Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
