im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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