We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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