I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
