I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
