I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
