I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
