I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
