Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
