please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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