you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
