So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
