i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
