my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't deserve a penis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
