True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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