YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
