Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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