I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
