We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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