I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
