great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
