operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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