I wish I could punch you in the face.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there's paper in my vomit.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
