Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i've created a new STD.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
