I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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