yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
