Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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