Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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