Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
