I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
