out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
