I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
