high people should be assigned attendants
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
