My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
