Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
