Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
