so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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