please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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