i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
