So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
