I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
