I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
